Chris Simms - My Worst Enemy
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were doing phenomenally well this year, achieving a 5-1 record while running the ball well with their new Caddy and holding the opposition to a third-best 12 points per game. Some people, including either Mike Ditka or Michael Irvin (I forget) have predicted the Bucs to go to the Super Bowl this year.
I can unequivocally say this will not happen unless their quarterback situation changes in a hurry. Brian Greise was doing a fine job leading the Bucs. They didn’t need Eli Manning-like numbers, just more like Trent Dilfer-like numbers. Unfortunately, Zach Thomas had a hankering for some ACL/MCL action and took out Greise’s knee, and probably ended his season. So who’s the next in line? Chris Simms.
Chris Simms is like that kid in high school who was fairly smart and really rich, but never really applied himself. That kid ended up going to college and smoked a ton of reefer his first two years, got his act together and graduated four years after that. He now works as a VP of operations at his dad’s company and acts like a hotshot, but everybody knows he’s still a barely competent douche. Alright, that was a rather long-winded analogy. Simply put, Chris Simms has had everything handed to him on a platter. He was given amazing talent and one of the greatest players to mentor his progress, his father and Hall of Famer, Phil Simms. He then went to the University of Texas and was handed the keys to a high-octane offense featuring future pro skill players such as Chicago’s Cedric Benson, Detroit’s Roy Williams, Denver’s B.J. Johnson, and Houston’s Bo Scaife, and Sloan Thomas. In Austin, Simms won a ton of games, but never won the ones that counted. He could never get his act together for the OU game, he never had the composure to win the Big XII title, and simply didn’t care enough to try at the Holiday Bowl. By the end of his collegiate career, there were more instances of backup Major Applewhite coiming in to save Simms’ butt than instances of Simms succeeding. Simms made a habit of winning games he should have, and NEVER winning games that were in question.
Guess what Tampa Bay? You’re not supposed to win in the playoffs, and Chris Simms can guarantee that.
--CH
posted by trot @ 10:27 AM
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5 Comments:
I'm assuming with your football knowledge that the closest you ever got to a football field was when you played your flute (or was it a tuba?) in your high school band. Did you ever see Simms play once? Simms did play horrible in the Big 12 Championship game and went 0-2 against OU, but what QB hasn't had a bad game? Simms won plenty of big games in his time at Texas. He holds the single game passing record which he accomplished while breaking Nebraska's home game win streak in 2002. He currently has the highest pass efficiency rating at UT, 2 of the 3 most passing yards seasons, most TD's in a season and finished his career at 26-6. Finally, Simms went 9-4 against ranked teams so he's won plenty of big games. Now go get your shinebox.
how much you wanna bet that's actually chris or phil simms
cause i can think of nobody else who would actually defend that waste of talent head case
or maybe I'm a longhorn fan who actually knows something about sports.
From a longhorn fan... Chris Simms SUCKS!!! I don't really care too much for Tampa Bay, take 'em or leave 'em, but I truly feel for the 'Bucs right now. Chris was the bain of our existence for more than 2 years. We wanted Applewhite so bad it hurt, but the money just kept flowing in so Chris could start. So he could what, start in the NFL? How's that going for you Chris and Phil? We (most Longhorn fans) hated him while he was here and are lamenting in the fact that he's not our problem anymore. It will be a great day in Tampa when Chris gets canned!
-John
CHRIS SIMMS= CAN'T TAKE AN NFL HIT
WHEN IN ROME
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