2006 NBA Draft Preview presented by TripleOT.com.awesome

I'm Ron Burgudy?

Sorry I haven’t written so long, I was feeling a bit sick. WITH WORLD CUP FEVER! Or maybe it was a severe case of being extremely lazy.

Draft day is upon us and this year is looking to be the least predictable draft of all time. Ever. When was the last time a potential #1 pick could slide to sixth or seventh if he wasn’t drafted first? Blame it on the lack of high school players or just an off year, but I am fairly certain the teams wish they could hold on to their picks and try again next year when studs like Greg Oden and Kevin Durant are eligible. Well, in the spirit of making lemonade with the NBA’s lemons, here’s a look at some intriguing players in this year’s draft:

Andrea Bargnani – Hard to get excited about a guy named Andrea, but apparently he’s the guy this year. I’ve seen exactly one YouTube video of him, and I’ve got to say…that’s it? Apparently Toronto is sold on him, so we gotta go with what Bryan Colangelo says because he’s the smartest man and impervious to all mistakes. All I’m saying is, one highlight video does not make a great player – I’m pretty sure you could assemble a highlight video of my greatest 4th-6th grade moves and convince somebody I was the second coming of OJ Mayo.

LaMarcus Aldridge – You’d think I’d be an expert on LA since he’s from Texas, but not so – it’s incredibly difficult to gauge someone who played in Rick Barnes’ train wreck called a basketball system. Here’s what I do know – LA has the tools offensively and defensively to remind you of Tim Duncan. Aldridge even has the incredible non-personality of Duncan. Watching Aldridge is a lot like watching Duncan, his stats will sneak up on you and he’ll make big plays that you wouldn’t necessarily characterize as clutch, but certainly are needed. I think Aldridge will be a good pick up for whoever picks him, but he certainly will never reach Duncan’s status. LA will get to about 80% of what Timmy is, but hell, that’s not so bad.

Adam Morrison – Dude’s white. There, I said it. Dude’s the definition of white – down to the scraggly-ass mustache and frat boy hair. Just look at that picture! Ridiculous! Now name the last great American-born white player. Go on. I’ll wait.

John Stockton and Larry Bird. Now do you honestly believe Morrison is more Bird or more Junior Dunleavy? I doubt Jordan is dumb enough to pick him in Charlotte, but Portland sure ain’t. Sucks for you, Portland. Kid’s 70% bust, 30% decent, 0% superstar. Bill Simmons, get your head out of your ass. Your wait for a white kid to cheer for as one of your own will have to be put on hold another year. You fucking secret racist.

Tyrus Thomas – I remember watching videos of Amare Stoudemire before he was drafted and I was really surprised a guy that young with an NBA body would fall that far. I won’t go so far as to say I knew Amare would be as great as he turned out to be, but there was definitely something about him that NBA scouts should have picked up on. Maybe I put players that own UT in the NCAA tourney on a pedestal (god knows I still rank Carmelo ahead of Chris Bosh) but Tyrus looks like the real deal. I have no problem with the Raptors taking him with the first pick, I think he’ll be that good.

Brandon Roy – Next Dwyane Wade? HELLLL no. Hey, ironically, Roy’s middle name is Dawayne. Yeah, not a typo on either Dwaynes. Anyhow, Roy isn’t the next Wade, but he’s no slouch. I think Roy will be better in our current NBA system than he would’ve been ten years ago. Roy can drive the bucket and thanks to the fucking influx of fucking anticipation calls, Roy’s on the fucking charity stripe for two or maybe even a fucking and one. Fuck no, I’m never going to get over the refs in game five. Robbed I tell ya. Roy in his prime will drop 24 a night. I’m calling it. Exactly 24.0. (Oh by the way, that’s how you “call” something. Before it happens, not when it’s more than halfway over. Douchebag.)

Rudy Gay – No thanks Hollywood, I ain’t into that. Gay was a D1 athlete who undoubtedly got paid at UConn, but still found it necessary to steal laptops. Not a big fan of not drafting because of character issues, but Gay’s just dumb as rocks. He was the consensus number one prospect last year but was dumb enough to risk it on some laptops. Man, get a bank loan or something next time. Lebron bought a car legitimately and you can’t figure out how to find some scratch for a laptop? Nobody should draft him above 20 – he’s that much of a risk.

J.J. Redick – Knowing what you know now, how high would you take Steve Kerr? I say no higher than 15th. However, I also believe that if Houston takes him and Yao and T-Mac stay healthy for 70 games, you can write in all the Texas teams in the 2007 playoffs. Go ahead, write it in pen. Nay, write it in Sharpie. Redick will look like a STUD in Houston, but will be a bust elsewhere if he has to try to create his own shot.

Ronnie Brewer – Remains Trot’s SLEEPER PICK OF THE YEAR. Remember how Pippen had a huge nose and was really ugly and somehow that made him play more aggressive? Take a look at Brewer and his ears. They look like they ought to have ailerons and flaps. That’s a shout out to all my aerospace friends. But I kid you not, Brewer can play D like Josh Howard and complement like Josh Howard. You do the ’03 draft again, you definitely take Howard top 5. So… put those previous facts together, GMs, and do the right thing.

How the first ten picks will probably shape up:

1. Toronto – Andrea Bargnani
2. Chicago – Tyrus Thomas
3. Charlotte – Brandon Roy
4. Portland – Adam Morrison
5. Atlanta – LaMarcus Aldridge
6. Minnesota – Rudy Gay
7. Boston – Shelden Williams
8. Houston – J.J. Redick
9. Golden State – Randy Foye
10. Seattle – Cedric Simons

Obviously, the last few picks are all fucked to hell if Boston trades for AI. Tomorrow we’ll see how poorly I did. I’ll grade myself on an engineering curve (anything over a 60 is an A).

--CH