Friday Happy Hour Tutorial (Relatively Speaking, Because I Don't Have To Work Tomorrow Edition)

Who would you choose? Seriously, I hate Matt Leinart more and more with each passing day.

Labor Day means a lot of things to a lot of people. If you're a fashion conscious woman, you shouldn't wear white anymore. If you're a working man, you take the day off, contrary to the name. And if you're a sports fan, you'll spend your entire Saturday camped out on the couch cheering for your alma mater. That's the best meaning of Labor Day, as far as we here at Triple OT are concerned.

• Notable matchups this week: None. The first week back is usually softie week anyway, but it's still nice to see your team work out the kinks in a real game, especially when they've lost a couple of cornerstone players to the draft, jail, or NCAA rules violations. So on that rubric: North Texas at Texas will be interesting to see how well redshirt freshman Colt McCoy (awesome name, by the way) fills Vince Young's huge vacant shoes. USC at Arkansas, where the defending runner-ups no doubt pocketed a significant appearance fee that they'll use to buy Advil to cure the "we lost half the starting lineup in the draft" hangover. UAB at Oklahoma, to see how the #2 team in the Big XII fares without their star QB. A more interesting game to watch might be Notre Dame at Georgia Tech, where the Yellow Jackets will try to pull the upset on this rather intact Irish squad. And rounding out softie week is Akron at Penn State, where hopefully new QB Morelli and the sophomore receiving corp zip around the Akron Zips.
• T.O. has finally decided to attend practice, and will probably play in the Cowboys/Vikings game tonight. I don't think I'm alone in thinking this is all an underhanded power-grab/publicity stunt, but ultimately, it doesn't matter. I want to see big numbers from Owens. Also, he's on my fantasy team.
• Arizona backup QB Matt Leinart's hookup buddy at USC Brynn Cameron (pictured above, opposite Paris) has announced that she's pregnant with Leinart's son. That's not the story. The story is, the baby is due in November, and she just found out that she was pregnant a month ago. Cameron is a 5'10" guard on the USC women's basketball team, and as a result of her pregnancy, will miss this season as she carries her baby to term. I'm probably the last person on this planet to be considered an expert on women, but aren't there some obvious signs that point to pregnancy way before six months? Regardless, we here at Triple OT remind you "no glove, no love", and that the pill is only 98% effective 100% of the time.
• Team USA rolls to a 7-0 record after posting a win over a Dirk Nowitzki led Team Germany. This leaves exactly one team in each group that is undefeated: USA, Greece, Argentina, and Spain, who will duke it out in the semi-finals. Trot predictions for the outcomes are: USA over Greece by 15 points, Argentina over Spain by 10, and USA over Argentina by 3.
• Things happened in baseball. Next.
  
• Charles Barkley has decided to run for governor of Alabama as a Democrat. Hey, if Jesse "The Body" Ventura and The Terminator can be governors, why not the Round Mound of Rebound? He's recognizable, he's likeable, and he'll throw you through a plate glass window before he takes shit from anyone. Plus, with a quote like this, he'll have the support of all the gays in Alabama: "Gay marriage is probably 1 percent of the population, so it's not like it's going to be an epidemic. Hey, trust me, I'm never going to kiss you." Trot predictions: Barkley wins in a landslide.
• Finally, Team Creep looks to come out charged as they face the Diplomats tonight in Rec League play. Expect clean, crisp passing from the guards, good outside shooting from optimal defensive matchups, a strong low post presence from the forwards, and a mercy rule victory in Team Creep's favor. Refer to the website for more details.

And in non-sports news, an architecture/history lesson in castle defense:

• A staircase turns clockwise, forcing invaders to transfer their spears to the left hand and giving the defense an advantage. An extra-tall step requires them to take off their chain-link armor to scale it. Anyone who actually makes it up the stairs alive would have to bend over to pass through a low doorway -- giving the castle's hatchet-armed defenders a prime crack at their necks.

Enjoy your Labor Day weekend, everyone!

--EW