Friday Happy Hour Tutorial (So Black People Can Get Black Eyes Edition)

As bad as your week has been, at least you're not that guy.

Welcome again to another edition of Triple OT's Friday Happy Hour Tutorial, where we don't just drink with you, we'll buy your first round. Proverbially, of course.

• And the hits just keep on coming for Maurice Clarett, don't they? Today his lawyer revealed that Clarett's post-OSU/pre-clusterfuck lifestyle was partially funded by a prominent Israeli mobster, who is now upset because he basically bet on a dead horse. Now Clarett's actions make a little more sense to me: He intentionally got himself arrested and put in jail to get away from the Mossad enforcers trying to collect his debts or kill him. In jail, he's relatively safe. Except from the Aryan Brotherhood, but what are the odds of them working with a Jew?
  
• Floyd Landis' stepdad committed suicide earlier this week, due to a long battle with depression. We here at Triple OT offer our sincere condolences to the Landis family. See, we're not just heartless jackasses who make fun of everything all the time.
  
• Bruce Bowen, per CH's expert predictions, has been cut from Team USA basketball. I, for one, am happy. I don't want my country represented by a 36 year old dirty player who rolls his eyes and acts like an impetulant teenager every time he gets called for a foul. Plus, I'm willing to bet that LeBron and Co sat down and held a Survivor-esque tribal council meeting to decide who they couldn't stand.
  
• Junior Seau has decided to come out of his lengthy retirement to sign with the Patriots. My roommates in college used to have this ongoing game called "Man Who." The premise is, they'd describe a person with a ridiculous attribute, and then act it out. One of their characters was, Man Who Makes Up His Mind Really Quickly, Then Changes It, and Then Changes Back Again. That was my first thought. My second thought was, maybe Seau just likes retirement parties so much, he wants to do it again next year.
  
• And finally, I'd like to take a moment to introduce Team Creep, a basketball team full of scrappy up-and-comers who will make their debut next Thursday in Rec League play. Comprised of 2/3 of the Triple OT writing staff, their friends, friends of friends, and anyone else they could shanghai into playing with them, these ballers are a force to be reckoned with. Expect many updates on Team Creep in the future. In the meantime, you can read about their exploits at www.TeamCreep.com.

That's it from me, have a good weekend everyone. Especially if school is starting soon for you. Or if you have to report to your job on Monday.

--EW