Monday Morning Cooler Talk (A Sideways Step Ain't A Step Back)

Giraffe in camo, on the right.

Maybe it’s because I finally have the NFL Network, maybe it’s because of the star power of this year’s draft, or maybe it’s because I’m living in an NFL city now, but I don’t really remember any NFL preseason opening with the amount of hype as this year’s. Either way, Trot’s happy to have the NFL back, as MMCT finally has something of relative significance to report about. No time to be funny, let’s just get down to what went on in the world of sports this weekend!

• Whispers have quickly turned into a very audible roar around Oxnard, California. Tony Romo is not just the quarterback of the future for the Dallas Cowboys, he’s the quarterback of the present. Parcells would have you believe he’s not the Drew Bledsoe guy you think he is and that’s he’s nearly ready to start Tony Romo. Problem is that’s simply not true. Yes, Romo played in the entire preseason game against Seattle and threw beautifully (19-25, 235 yards, 1 TD), but in playing the entire first preseason game, you know exactly where Romo is on Parcells’ depth chart. If Romo had come out cylinders firing and Parcells had benched him after three series, then Bledsoe might truly have something to worry about. But there’s no way Parcells plays this season’s starting quarterback the entire first preseason game. Bledsoe knows this and he’s not sweating Romo’s emergence. For now.
• Reggie Bush! ZOMG! Did you see that 44 yard run? I totally expected nothing less from the three-time national champion! He’s so awesome! I’m telling you, he’s the future of the NFL and I can’t get enough SportsCenter highlights of him. I love you ESPN! I love you Reggie Bush!
• Vince Young had a slightly more modest game (4-11, 56 yards, 4 rushes for 28 yards) than his aforementioned Rose Bowl opponent, but showed the flashes that warranted him being the third pick in this year’s draft. Having seen every Vince Young performance, I can’t say that I’m surprised with his performance Saturday night. It was essentially the professional equivalent of his early 2003 performances when he split time with Chance Mock. As with all quarterbacks, it’s going to take some time for Vince to acclimate to the professional game, but it’s hard not to see the incredible upside Young possesses. The one thing that did strike me as odd was Vince’s running. Even as a redshirt freshman, Vince would run confidently even if his passing wasn’t there. It’s as if he knew he could outrun anyone or absorb any hit. But for the first time I’ve ever seen, Vince was running a bit scared Saturday night. Welcome to the L, I guess.
• In case you somehow missed it, Monday Night Football is no longer on ABC, but rather, on ESPN. To start off their glorious tenure as hosts of MNF, ESPN decided that the Tennessee/New Orleans Rose Bowl sequel wasn’t quite sexy enough, they decided that Jacksonville/Miami with a noticeable slimmer Daunte Culpepper didn’t quite have the oomph, so they went with the best game of them all. Yes, I nearly wet myself too. Aaron Brooks and the Raiders against Brad Johnson and the Vikings. Be still my heart. My irony quivered in anticipation.
• Matt Leinart finally worked out his contract and signed for six years, $51 million. Money can’t buy you love, Matt. Nor can it make you less of a douchebag. In fact, I’m pretty sure all it does is make you more of a douchebag.
• Did you know the blue whale is as long as a 737 and weighs up to 150 tons? Also, their heart is the size of a small car, their tongue is as big as an elephant, and a human can swim through some of their larger arteries! The things you learn on a new TV.
• Thanks to former Tour de France winner Floyd Landis’ hilarious exploits, his former team, Phonak , is shutting down. Apparently the owner of the team was not having any luck selling a team filled with pill-popping cheaters. Maybe the owner was just asking for too much. I would’ve been willing to pay a few hundred for the team – I’ve never really owned a professional organization. Except for that one debacle when I owned that roller derby team.
• Barbaro is still alive and is doing well enough to graze outside. This leads me to believe that Barbaro’s veterinarian is the most pessimistic person in the world. Imagine if your doctor kept telling everyone you were moments from death – and even as you steadily recovered – he kept telling you death was right around the corner. What a dick that guy is. And someone needs to seriously question his skill or if he’s even a real doctor. He’s been pretty far from correct in surmising this situation. What the hell gives?
• Terrell Owens has missed thirteen practices at time of post. Apparently, he’s too injured to practice, but not too injured to run 100 yard wind sprints by himself. Also, he doesn’t know the playbook even though he was traded to the Cowboys in March. We will hear MUCH more about this asshole, I guarantee it. No way he makes it through the end of the season.
• After a close game against Brazil, Team America bounced back and absolutely dominated Lithuania (not quite as good as you remember them to be) and completely annihilated South Korea (as bad as you’d imagine them to be). Way to go Team America. Fuck Yeah! It’s almost cut day and I wish I could be there when Coach K cuts Bruce Bowen. I think it’s hilarious that someone of Bowen’s stature is getting cut when he’s in his relative prime. I also wonder if Bowen is going to give that look, the “I’ve got that mustached-frown and my eyes at the top of my head because I can’t believe I, Bruce Bowen, defensive mastermind and general do-gooder, am getting cut” look. No? Don’t know what look I’m talking about?
• Do you find it oddly coincidental that right before Shawn Marion and Gilbert Arenas were about to get cut, they were suddenly “injured” and had to withdraw? And why the hell didn’t Bruce Bowen get the memo?
• Maurice Clarett is batshit insane.

As for my non-sports thoughts of the week:

• The policies at 24 Hour Fitness are about the worst in the world. I really hate that gym. I suppose those are the breaks from the cruel mistress known as convenience.
• Eastbay restocked on the Retro Jordan IV Mars Blackmon edition. They sold out in nine minutes. Fuck they hype, seriously. It’s killing me.
• Johnny Cupcake’s new website is about to drop any minute now. But go ahead and check out the dope gear he’s already got.
• I’m trying to find some new music to listen to. On my list are Augustana and Teddy Geiger. Anyone else have any other recommendations? I’ll listen to just about anything except emo. Not a fan of dudes that cater to 14 year old chicks. Seriously emo guys, your emo glasses and tight shirts and Flock of Seagulls haircut is fucking ridiculous. At least skaters do something physical. You sensitive journal writers need to grow a set, quick.

Keep it locked down on Trot cause we got more updates coming this week. College football is coming, and you know we have marginal-quality posts with misinformation coming stat.

--CH